This is the cry of my heart, perhaps to give you some hope and some joy.
Lately, I have been struggling with sadness, some days it’s hard to keep myself together. I like to cry, and sometimes I guess I am searching for pity. I do not know how to control these things when they hit but it’s dreadfully hard. The only way I feel I can control my own understanding and work through it with the Lord is through this blog. A sort of open dialogue with him and
Lately, I have been struggling with sadness, some days it’s hard to keep myself together. I like to cry, and sometimes I guess I am searching for pity. I do not know how to control these things when they hit but it’s dreadfully hard. The only way I feel I can control my own understanding and work through it with the Lord is through this blog. A sort of open dialogue with him and honesty with others. I am just going to write about what this Psalm has gotten me thinking about. I am never that good with studying the Bible, but a friend of mine taught me some things while I was on a mission trip.
Lately, I have been struggling with sadness, some days it’s hard to keep myself together. I like to cry, and sometimes I guess I am searching for pity. I do not know how to control these things when they hit but it’s dreadfully hard. The only way I feel I can control my own understanding and work through it with the Lord is through this blog. A sort of open dialogue with him and honesty with others. I am just going to write about what this Psalm has gotten me thinking about. I am never that good with studying the Bible, but a friend of mine taught me some things while I was on a mission trip.
O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your rage.
I have always thought of God as an angry God, maybe because of the way I was raised. I was not sure if his love was conditional or not. Hearing this helps me think of the relationship I have with Him, I am calling on his name to have mercy.
2 Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak.
Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 I am sick at heart.
How long, O Lord, until you restore me?
Again God being the compassionate one on me, every day I always wondered I need so much grace why do you still show me that grace? I am weak in my flesh, and I am weak in my disposition. You call me child, and Lord I yearn for your healing. My bones are in agony because sadness sort of rots my bones. Like something that I cannot shake. Hope sort of speaks my name when I enter your Word, but my heart is sick with sin. I try to cover up my downcast soul with more pleasure. God, I am a hedonistic person, will you restore and reorient my heart to face your true Son?
4 Return, O Lord, and rescue me.
Save me because of your unfailing love.
5 For the dead do not remember you.
Who can praise you from the grave?[
Our God has rescued us since the beginning. He has made a way for us to be in a restored relationship once through sacrifices and rituals, that turned into manmade law. Then ultimately bringing His own Son Jesus Christ to fulfil the law perfectly, and die for us. Not only die, but he beat death rising again to the Father. That is the unfailing love that I see here. That gave me ultimate hope. I can tell you those thoughts of death being better have crossed my mind in my youth. I would selfishly think it would make things better; I cloaked myself in disapproval. Yet- If I am who I am because I was created that way by the Creator of the universe who sought me out, I sure mean something far greater to Him than I could see. So I fought, and I can praise because I do not need to be chained to that sadness anymore. I can give that to Jesus alongside the rest of my burdens.
I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
7 My vision is blurred by grief;
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.
Many nights I have cried myself to sleep. I have cried thinking about the hurtful comments made to me or about me that I have acquired from others. Maybe it was that I talk to much. Maybe it was that I was flirtatious. Perhaps I was a little to much to handle that one crazy night. Man, I have made a thousand mistakes and dug many holes. I know those hurtful tears so well. Sometimes it is hard to even cry them. I have turned myself away from my passions and purpose because I was grieving the loss of myself. I gave into the enemies I had battled so long. They were not just people; I could never point fingers. (You know what they say when you point a finger you have three more pointing back at you.) My enemies were addictions: To how I looked, what people thought of me, my stomach, my hair, my entitlement, my comfort, my coffee, whatever else there is I was idolizing.
8 Go away, all you who do evil,
for the Lord has heard my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord will answer my prayer.
Now I want to condemn those things in my life that are evil, that I know that I cannot stay away from. That I love with a passion. He has heard my sadness when I cry out to him. He knows what I have begged of him in my innermost being. I can know with sureness that he will answer my prayer with loving kindness. Loving Kindness is one of my favorite characteristics of God. Because I am messed up if you have not already seen. Or is my vulnerability scary? I just realized that I question myself when I write, but I should not. I am a person who loves God. I make a lot of mistakes, but I love God. See what I did there. But- clears everything before. I was this, but now I am changed. I was lost, but now I am found. I was a slave to sin, but now I am free. Thanks, Father in heaven. Thanks, Dad on earth.
10 May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified.
May they suddenly turn back in shame.
May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. Those fleshly desires that I had need to be sent to the cross. They can go back to where they came from. They can turn away in shame because they cannot withstand the power of Jesus. There is nothing that I can do, but through Christ I am able. The Holy Spirit enables me. The Holy Spirit encourages and leads me to a place where I am happy Jesus is my crutch. I have tried this life on my own. I mess up; I relapse. Just take your burdens and all your worries to the foot of the cross. Jesus is waiting to be in a relationship with you. He loves you, friend.
Love Increasing,
M. Elyse
About the Author
Molly Urban hearts desire is to connect people to a relationship with their loving God. She has a passion for people and an advocate for social change. Her two main goals are to love others and to bring the Gospel to the world. She is a design and anthropology student. Connect with her on her blog at mollyurban.com
What has God taught you recently in your Bible study time? Are you looking a for a new way to enhance your study time? Consider Bible journaling.
