A Life Not Yet Experienced

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My life has been rather uneventful compared to others. I don’t want to appear to be boastful I just want to state that I have had a very good life. I have not experienced great disappointments or loss. I have not experienced abuse, and my parents did not divorce. In fact, they are still living, and I spend a lot of time with them. I do sometimes reflect on my life, and I know it’s unusual to not experience tragedy and loss. I am saddened to know people endure great trials, and I pray for them.

Please understand that I do not boast about my life. I feel greatly blessed, and I am truly thankful.

In Life’s Absence

The other side of not experiencing some life events is that I sometimes feel very immature when I listen to women my age (nearing 50) who have endured so much. My heart goes out to them because so many have loved and lost through marriage and divorce. They have struggled to raise their children and now are challenged by being a support for their adult children and grandchildren. Many have also lost their parents, and some have lost a spouse or a child.

My life has been very uneventful in comparison. I know things can change quickly, and we never know what is just around the bend but today, at this moment in my life, I sometimes feel even more isolated as a single because I lack life experience too.

My life is very stable. I am good with my money and responsible.  And, I have good friends who often want my opinion and input. I have a good job and feel I contribute to my workplace. I think I have grown up in most ways except this area of ‘life experience.’

Some of this is directly connected to being single. No husband and no children can mean less stress and all of the things that go along with a busy household, but it can also mean that your character develops differently too.

Life Yet Experienced

Left Behind

I used to feel mature for my age. I think because I am an introvert and led a quiet life people thought I was older than I really was and treated me that way. I ‘missed out’ on some of the things that happen when you are young. I didn’t date much, didn’t marry, and didn’t have children. I never felt I was missing anything but now I kind of feel like I have been left behind, and I still have some living to do.

So I ask God for wisdom and discernment. I thank him for his blessings and because I am a ‘hopeless romantic’ I still ask him if I can have a ‘grown up’ relationship. That is what marriage means to me now. I long for my life experience to fit my age. I wonder if that sounds silly. Listening to young women half my age talk about their past relationships, children, and travels as well as their opinions I think, ‘They have lived twice the life I have!’.

Remaining in Hope

I do believe God can use me right now with whatever life experience or gifts I have (or I lack). I am determined to serve him anyway. I know he has good things in store for me and whatever life experiences are in my future He will be there to see me through.

Are you an older adult walking through singleness? Have you had moments where you felt you missed out or were left behind? Share your thoughts in the comments.

 

About the Author

BCW Guest Blogger VickieMy name is Vickie and I live on the East Coast of Canada. I am 47, single, never married and have no children. I am interested in writing about my life as a single Christian woman and how my faith has sustained me through the years. I am new to blogging, but I feel I have something to contribute in writing about single life. So often what I read to encourage singles is written by those who are married, and it can be difficult to appreciate that perspective. Most people have experienced singleness but few, like myself, have lived out their whole lives that way. Connect with Vickie on her blog. See Vickie’s previous articles on singleness: Embracing Singleness  and Advice for Singles.

 

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Comments

  1. Hi Vickie, I totally understand the way you feel. I’m 33 and single, unfortunately I’ve had too much life experience and struggles but this is not what I want to talk about now. The facet I want to underline here is friendship and social isolation. All my peers have families, this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends anyway, but of course when you have husband and kids you don’t have so much spare time for friends, your priorities are others. I’m often in company of people younger than me but I really “feel”the age gap. Their lives are more similar to mine but the mindset is comletely different. I don’t feel so enthusiast about parties as they are. Summing up, I feel very alone and sad.

    • Thank you for your comment Diana, I can understand what you are going through too. I am 48 now and my ‘peers’ are entering the grandparent years. I have no spouse, or children and will not experience life the way my life long friends have.
      It’s true that it can feel very isolating. I am blessed to have extended family through my sister and I still have both my parents. It makes a big difference to have this family connection.
      It does not make up for the lack of my own family though and I feel it greatly at times especially when there are work functions when spouses are invited.
      I am an introvert and I don’t like to be too social or too active but I am involved with some volunteering and that is a great blessing to me. God uses us no matter what we lack. I would like to encourage you to find some activity that you enjoy doing if you feel this would help.
      No matter how busy we are if we have that longing to be married nothing can fill it completely but I still seek God to help me. I know he understands and I believe he has a good plan for me. I think having a mate is the simple answer and wonder why He does not provide but God knows better. I would still rather be single and strive for contentment that marry and find myself unhappy. Comparing myself to others always leads me to thinking I have missed out on something and that is not right. No two lives are the same, no two journeys are the same and people can marry at any age or live a single life and find peace.
      Prayer is also important to me. Knowing God is always there is a great comfort. I would not want to be in this single life without Him.

  2. Thank you for your comment, Christine. I agree we all have different paths and a different life experience. I know God has a purpose for mine too. I am blessed to see how he is using me in different situations to minister to different people and he provides the wisdom so that I do not rely on my experience. I am blessed by that too.
    Sometimes it does feel as though life has passed me by but I am confident that God has good things in store for me in the future.

  3. Our life experiences are unique and crafted in a way to bring us down the path’s the Lord has set for us. Most of us, if were honest with ourselves, would rather not jump on the “life experiences” ride we’ve been given and come over and to join you. But (and here’s a big but) you are a beautiful craftmanship just like the rest of us. He’s given you treasured moments and set Himself in your soul. Don’t underestimate where you are today. It is good – very good.

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