Don’t Judge Me: I’m in love and I do not kiss. Yes! It is Possible!

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iskissingokay

The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship.

The Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God, unless we want to fool ourselves.

I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media has influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.

In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT.

Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.

Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).

Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman.” It is therefore impossible to kiss and, at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.

Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing? Let’s be on this journey together, regardless of whether you are in a short or long distance relationship.

It is possible to stay pure.   It is all in the mind and having self-control.  Also, regularly reading relevant scriptures and articles in relation to staying pure in courtship would help.

If we want to pursue godliness, the question of “Is it okay to kiss or not?” is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:

  • Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?

  • Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?

  • Does it reflect purity?

  • Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?

  • What do you think God would do if He was in your shoe?

  • Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5

From the questions I usually receive and the discussions I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop.

If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desired).  And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.

It is to be noted that few Christians that engaged in THKS prior to their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.

Notes

· If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.

· Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.

· Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chances. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.

· Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.

· If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advice you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.

· God said that, whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13. Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.

· In terms of romance, I agree with one of the comments in the question (read last week’s post) asked that, expressing your love is pre-requisite in courtship (nonetheless we must be careful of the choice of words and the choice of things that we do).

· One of the people that commented suggested , expressing your romance through careful choice of words, gifts, acts of service, learning about each other’s character, etc.

· I know some of you are thinking that, it is impossible not to kiss and romance (touching, sexual behaviour). Trust me, it is possible, I am following it and I know a number of people that adhere to it.

Final words:

  1.  You are in charge of your body.
  2.  You must make every effort to stay pure.
  3.  You must practice self-control.
  4.  You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Amos 3:3 NIV).
  5.  Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong.
  6. Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.

You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.
You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God’.
Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.

True love will not want you to disobey God.

A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.

The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries. It also makes a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.

Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar’s wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him.

After marriage, I’m sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax.
In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.

Action Point

Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you are able to conquer today will mostly likely be conquered by your generations’. Start a good chain of living right today.

Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie. Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn’t fully repent and terminate it?

Prayer
Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name.
Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.

About the Author

BCW Guest Writer: Myss LafunkyMyss Lafunky is a pen name, a  Christian blogger from England. I enjoy ‘feeding my mind’ in line with Philippians 4:8. I dedicate my spare time to blogging, knowing more about Jesus, praying for myself and for others, and helping the Less Privileged.

I’m a regular guest on a Christian radio show called: ‘Before I Do’ on Hephzibah radio UK (download via app) every Monday from 7pm-9pm.

My blog is mainly for helping Christians regarding relationships, intimacy and building a closer relationship with God, irrespective of your environment and things that you are exposed to in the secular world.

Feel free to contact me via  email. Email address: trulymakingadifference@gmail.com

Myss Lafunky blogs at www.lafunky.blogspot.com

*original top photo from picturesnew.com; edited*

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Comments

  1. I am so glad to have come across this post. I have felt this is the only right way to courting, but have also felt like I was alone on an island… or a planet, lol! This has been confirmation for me. Thank you for sharing this.

    • KRae, glad to hear that this article resonated with you and was able to provide you with confirmation. Wishing you much happiness in your dating relationship.

  2. Good exposition. You are right of all you siad. Anyone who is duely rooted and transformed into the image of Christ will not argue with any subject of spirituality.
    The bible talks about holy kiss, since we have this holy kiss i believed there is also an unholy kiss if is done pre-maritaly.

  3. Wow! I love this article! My husband and I did not kiss during our courtship. Some thought we were crazy but we prayed to maintain our integrity and not be led into temptation. It made our bond stronger. We’re almost 4 years into our marriage and still kiss constantly! 🙂

  4. Great post because I feel the same way. If Kissing is going to lead you into premarital sex, then why do it? It may be tough when we live in a society that says kissing, premarital sex, etc is okay, but we have to be obedient to the Lord’s desires.

    • Thank you for your comment. You are right, it is not that easy to abstain from kissing given that it appears to be okay in the society.
      I have had times that I nearly gave in to the ‘K’, but I bless God for my lovely fiancé who has made the journey to purity a lot easier. We have both made a commitment to apply the THKS even to the end of our courtship.

      Romans 12:1-2 should be our watchword:

      I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

      And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭1-2‬ NKJV).

      A simpler version:

      So then, my friends, because of God’s great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer.

      Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect. (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭1-2‬ GNT)

  5. When you say “It is to be noted that few Christians that engaged in THKS prior to their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.,” you are so very right. I regret to say that this is very much me. I made many mistakes before marriage, and I strongly encourage anyone else to refrain from it! But there is also hope and healing for those who have already done it or are doing it.
    Great ideas! I would just say that marriage is another option if a couple cannot stop THKS. I believe 1 Corinthians 7 supports this option. However, one must keep in mind that a marriage will not last if sex is the only reason for it.
    Thanks for this article encouraging people to stay pure in their relationships!

    • Thank you for your comment. I agree. There are things that most of us regret engaging in, and those things, we will never encourage others to partake in. The good thing is, there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. Time of ignorance, the Lord forgives. God is a God of multiple chances, He is a merciful God. He is ready to forgive us once we have a repentant heart.

      Yes, the Bible says that: “But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry—it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭9‬ GNT). At the same time, like you rightly mentioned, marriage is not just about sex.

      As a young adult, I have to practise self-control and put measures in place that we enable me to restrain from defiling myself.

  6. Thank you dear.
    I have a christian girl that i feel love for,i am also abeliever,but what could be the right way of approaching her without insulting her faith at the same time preserving purity before the Living God?

  7. Dear Mike, sorry for my late response. I am just seeing this.

    One of the ways is to be friendly around her. Be her friend and get to know her as a friend and ask God to give you godly wisdom to know how to approach her. God knows all the Godly strategies that we can use to become close to an individual. Also, ask God to direct your steps.

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