22 and never been kissed [Guest Post by Yelena]

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Yelena is a law student, world traveler and writer at Lovely Thoughts. She has an encouraging story for all you single ladies out there!
She was a new Christian, seventeen years old and persecuted from all sides in 1950’s Communist Russia. Her parents wanted to marry her off to a doctor, hoping that would be enough to make her give up her faith.
The Lord had a different plan for her though, so he sent her a soldier – young, handsome and a man of God. He came across the world into her tiny village in Siberia.
That couple has been together now for 60 years – they are blessed with ten children and more than 170 grandchildren and great-grandchildren. And every time I see my grandparents together, my heart melts – the love and faith still glows in their eyes even after years of hardships, persecution, and international moves.
You don’t hear those kinds of love stories nowadays. We’re more in tune with the latest reality shows, bachelors and endless strings of comedies about dating mishaps. We’re told that you must kiss a few frogs and explore before finding The One.  Plus, there are hundreds of websites, books and TV shows (even Christian ones) giving out “helpful” dating advice.
From a young age, we dream of Prince Charming and if he doesn’t come into our lives on our timetable, we give up and take our love stories into our own hands.
After hearing the love stories of my grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts though, I refuse to write my own love story. I know there is an Almighty and powerful God that is finding my soul mate and in His timing, our paths will cross.
Until then, I dedicate all my love and life to my Abba – to honor and seek His truth by ministering and serving the people in my life.
“But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. Do not fear, little frock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” –Luke 12:31-32 (NKJV)
I’m 22, never been kissed nor have I been on a proper date. I’ve had crushes on boys over the years, been courted, and seen my closest friends find love, but my heart remains whole and pure, while still being romanced every day – with beautiful sunsets, aroma-filled flowers and grace-tinted salvation.

Imagine your heart like an apple – shiny, red and whole. And then you meat a boy – he’s cute, charming and the envy of the entire freshman class at your school. So you bat your eyelashes, send a few flirty texts and finally hook up at a party. The next day he either pretends you don’t exist or you become a couple for a few weeks before he eventually moves on with that popular girl. It’s a common tale and is bound to repeat several more times – in college, your first job and maybe into a mistaken marriage.
Each boy takes a small bite of your apple shaped heart. One bite, then two, which turns into five and eleven and by the time you say your wedding vows, all you have to offer your husband is a half eaten apple or worse, a few seeds and a gaping core.
“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord – how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world – how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit… and this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.” -1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NKJV)
So, protect your heart my darling – keep it whole and pure for some day. Dedicate your days to the Lord and bask in the light of His love and grace. Serve and give as much of yourself to others as your heart can hold, without any romantic distractions.
Then, that apple will grow stronger and healthier – and just when you least expect it, the perfect man will walk into your life. You might feel butterflies and have “chemistry,” but above all, you will feel the calm blessing of the Lord as His peace and approval fill your love story with grace and the kind of love that will last a century (even if there isn’t an eligible, Christian bachelor within a thousand miles of your village in Siberia). 

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Comments

  1. Carrie says

    This is amazing! I think that what you are doing is so important. My husband and I kissed other people more than we should have before we met each other. And we kissed a lot of each other too before marriage. Unfortunately, the past has come into play often in our relationship with that regret. We have both talked about it and said that we wished that we wouldn’t have been so free to give that away. We also plan to teach our children to do differently as we were not taught otherwise.

    However, I will say that what a beautiful love story that you shared. My grandparents were married over 60 years and I always loved their story as well.

    I love the apple story that you used and will use that with my children. Thanks for sharing about this topic and for being so brave to not join the crowd.

    Blessings,
    Carrie

  2. dazeepearl says

    I thank God for you,,,,writing about your personal life isnt easy but if that is the cross we have to carry to help spread the gospel,…..then i am soo glad to be part of God”s family….i am 18 and never been kissed and i ve never been in any romantic relationship ,I do get impatient at times but God has been gracious and kept me in line…..By God’s special grace I plan to remain unsullied till i get married…God bless u..keep it up..

  3. Lauren's thoughts says

    I love this post. I am 24 and have never been kissed. I pray the Lord gives me continued patience to continue to wait for the one He has for me. I know there He has blessed me over and over in this process of waiting.

  4. Laura says

    I love this post. I am 29 and have never been kissed. There’s so many times when I feel like there is something wrong with me. When you get my age, life starts ticking… I feel like I may never be married at this point. And if I don’t hurry, I may never have children. I pray that I have the patience to continue to wait. 🙂

  5. alex says

    This is too Christian to be partial. Yes, it would be nice to find your true love right away, but experience here is what counts. One doesn’t date because he or she is needy, but because we need that experience to know what person truly is for us. I agree with the person on top, this is a little offensive. There are many type of people out there, some like to wait, some don’t, make mistakes, and learn from them. Dating and trying to look for one that person rather than being a bit lazy and letting someone else control your life from above is not bad.

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Hey Alex!

      Thanks for the comment. You’re right in that there is no cookie-cutter recipe for love (I wrote a follow-up post about this on my blog today).

      Yes, you can date around and try to find the one – get to know different guys and explore, and maybe eventually you’ll find the One. Or you can spend that time nurturing friendships with guys (I’m not saying you should completely avoid social interaction with all males), but dedicate your time and love to serving God. I think that by taking the exploring/dating option, we’re not giving our full trust with God – Like, Hey God, I know you have a guy for me and all that but I’m going to give you a helping hand by dating around.

      I don’t think it’s being lazy, but it is about losing control. Our dependence must be on God for everything. Yes, we must still work to pay the bills, eat to stay alive and just do stuff, but in the end, it’s all up to God. We can choose to obey or disobey His wishes.

      I too would like to know the guy I marry, but I don’t need to date or spend one on one time with him to discover who he is. I must simply look to the Lord for He knows all people and all hearts. That kind of trust for God though doesn’t come overnight – it takes lots of trials and time.

      -Yelena

  6. Gina Alyse says

    Thank you for this beautiful post. I’m in college and I’m giving God control over my love life. It’s been a blessing not to worry about the fact that I haven’t had that much experience if any real experience with relationships. God’s writing our perfect love story! It was great to feel encouraged by this.

    xo, gina

  7. CanadianBeautyGeek says

    I’m not sure whether or not I should be offended or inspired by this because I am one of those girls who’s heart isn’t “pure” so…I mean I get what you’re saying but that isn’t for everyone and its not as wrong as you’re making it out to be.

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Hey dear!

      I hope that you’ll be inspired by this. I didn’t write this post with malice, and if I offended you, I am truly sorry for that. In fact, your comment inspired me to write a follow-up post on this topic on my blog today.

      Don’t say you’re not pure if you’ve repented. If you’ve given your heart to God and asked for His forgiveness, then His blood has washed you clean. Your mistakes or your past no longer define you – you are given a new beginning and you are pure to Him.

      Yes, someday, you’ll answer for those mistakes to both God and your husband, because having sex and other impure actions before marriage are wrong and are sins, but those mistakes don’t define you nor do they negatively influence the love story God is writing in your life. Our Lord is a loving God full of grace and redemption and there is no sin that is not covered by His son’s blood and sacrifice.

      God bless you!

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Carolynn –

      Thanks for the comment! We don’t always obey God, but He is extraordinary and full of grace and redemption. He is a God of new beginnings and second chances…it really is beautiful. 🙂

  8. Stephanie says

    I love what you’re saying, and I agree with it. It’s what I told the younger women in the campus ministry I was a part of, and how I live my own life. That being said, I think you need to be very, very cautions with these kinds of statements. They’re great when a woman has protected her heart and trusted the Lord fully with it, but at the same time it’s not that simple. Reading this makes me think of the friends I have who, for whatever reason, have a couple of seeds left by this metaphor–but really have so much more, because of the grace that heals and restores.

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Stephanie –

      You bring up a very good point (and it inspired me to write a follow-up post on my blog today about this). You’re right – this post is just one story of one person. I don’t expect that everyone is like me or should be like me. Yes, the Bible says to remain pure until marriage and wait on the Lord, but as humans we tend to muddle things up in our life all the time, especially when it comes to love. But, that doesn’t mean we’re bad or not worthy of Godly romance – our God is full of love, redemption and grace. He can restore seeds into a brand new, shiny apple. I should have definitely added that into this post! Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  9. Shannon Leahy says

    Thank you for such an encouraging an beautiful post.
    I am a 19 year old Christian girl and I have always wanted to be able to give my one day husband a part of me that no one else has ever had. I will stand by this decision to honor God, and I know that when the time is right, He will send my husband to me.
    Its just that, if I’m completely honest, I sometimes grow so impatient! All I have wanted out of life is to be a wife to a man that loves Jesus. I know I’m young and I have my whole life to wait – and wait I will – I just pray God will give me patience so that I am able to truly honor God and my husband.

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Shannon –
      It makes my heart happy to hear that you’ve made the commitment to remain pure for your marriage and allow God to write your love story. Stay strong in that promise even when you do become impatient or frustrated by the lack of romance in your life.

      I get it – I get impatient sometimes too, but then I always come back to this point: do I want to rush God or do I trust Him enough to wait for His timing? What can I do today to serve God that I wouldn’t be able to do if I had a husband and/or children to take up my time and resources?

      Usually answering those questions and living through the answers by actually doing something for God helps clear away the webs of impatience. Focus on God first and foremost and everything else will fall into place.

      According to my married friends, one day you’ll look back and wish for those single years, even if it’s for one day! 🙂

      I wrote a follow-up post on my blog today in response to some of the comments and emails people left with more questions on this topic. Check it out if you’re interested.

  10. Rebekah says

    This was so great!
    I had my first kiss when I was 16 and I didn’t even like the guy. I never kissed or dated or created a relationship with a guy since. I want my future husband to have as much of my heart as possible. People say I’m crazy, but I know God has a special guy out there for me somewhere and I’ll wait for him.

    • yelenabosovik.com says

      Remain strong in Him Rebekah and He will grant all the desires of your heart. I wrote a follow up post on this topic on my blog today if you’re interested. 🙂 Thanks for the support. 🙂 God bless you!

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